Posts Tagged ‘Emotional Security’

Grounds for Divorce in the State of New Mexico

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

All states provide a statutory basis for the dissolution of marriages by their courts.  The basis for dissolving a marriage will vary from state to state. In the State of New Mexico there are four statutory grounds for divorce.  One of the four grounds for divorce is what is typically referred to as the no-fault provision and the other three require a finding of fault by the other spouse.  The relevant portion of the statute reads:  “…, a district court may decree a dissolution of marriage on any of the following grounds:  A. incompatibility; B. cruel and inhuman treatment: C. adultery; or D.  abandonment.”

Incompatibility” exists when there is such discord or conflict of personalities that the legitimate ends of the marriage relationship have been destroyed preventing any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.  This provision is typically referred to as the no-fault provision. In other words, if one party testifies that from their perspective that the parties are incompatible, a judge may grant a divorce.  Experience dictates that a party presenting contrary testimony that the parties are compatible will not be able to defeat the petition for dissolution.  The very fact that the two parties have differing views on whether they are incompatible appears to support the proposition that they are “incompatible.”

As to the remaining three grounds B, C and D, a party who makes any of these allegations must prove the grounds by a preponderance of the evidence.  In the area of adultery, it is sometimes very difficult to prove actual “sex outside of marriage” without an admission of one of the parties or “being caught in the act”.  Cruel and inhuman treatment is also fraught with some difficulties where there are mild behavior patterns or interaction between the spouses that constitute acts of emotional, verbal, psychological, social abuse, etc.  Such behavior in marriage without further physical evidence, may not constitute cruel and inhuman treatment.  Abandonment may be one of the easier to prove since clearly one party has chosen to leave a marriage and most often cannot be found for service of the petition.

Most divorces are filed under grounds of “incompatibility” or the no-fault provision  even where there may be an indication that one or more of the fault provisions are present.  There can be some very clear advantages and disadvantages in choosing your grounds for filing a divorce action and each situation is very different.  You should consult an attorney before deciding which ground or grounds for dissolution of your marriage are best for your factual situation.

Helping Your Child Remain Emotionally Stable During and After a Divorce or Separation

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Parents have a difficult time talking about their divorce with their children. Some people want to speak ill of their ex-spouse. While doing this may make you feel good, doing it in front of a child can hurt the child, adding to a child’s fear and insecurity. It is important for both parents to meet with the child and explain in a very calm manner what changes are about to take place.  You must jointly plan what you are going to say to your child ahead of time. Ask the child age appropriate questions and let them talk about what they are feeling. You must take all of their questions seriously. It is important to recognize that the divorce will have an effect on the child’s daily routine and future.

It is important that you do not discuss the details of the divorce in front of them because this can lead to unnecessary arguments. When talking about your ex spouse or partner, make only positive comments and refrain from negative or derogatory comments in front of the child.

Divorce can lead to many emotional and physical problems for children. Your child may feel that they are the reason that the two of you are separating. They can feel that both parents are abandoning them. Children can develop physical illnesses because of the divorce. They need the reassurance of both parents that the divorce is not their fault and that the two of you still love them.

Preschoolers have a very hard time adjusting to a divorce. If the divorce is hostile, they are at a greater risk of becoming “bullies” or being the subject of abuse. At this age group, males have a harder time with the separation anxiety than females.   Also, during the adolescent years, it is a smart for both parents to work together. This can minimize the potential manipulation by preteens and teens of both parents,  in addition it will help to curb potential rebellious attitudes of teens. Teens that cannot lean on parents or family members for support are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs.

In any separation or divorce, it is critically important that both parents shower their child with love, discipline, kindness and emotional support, giving them ample opportunity to express their concerns. You don’t need to become a Disney Land Dad or Recreation and Amusement Mom to express love and support.  Teaching a child how to love, relate to others, create a healthy work ethic and live in community are gifts that any parent can give to their children regardless of the parent’s socio-economic status and the divorce or separation.  Throughout the divorce, separation and all of the years following a division in a family, parents must always place the child’s best interest above their own interests.